You Are Not Second-Guessing TooMuch. You Are Leading WithoutEnough Support.

4–5 min read · By Marie Carmel, MS.Ed., ACC, CPC, ELI-MP

Let me say something that I want you to sit with for a moment. 

The voice in your head that second-guesses your decisions, replays conversations after they happen, and wonders whether you said the right thing in that meeting — that voice is not evidence that you are in the wrong role. It is often evidence that you are leading in a season that asks a great deal of you, without the kind of support that would help you move through it with greater confidence.

I have worked with hundreds of capable women in public agencies and social service organizations. I have seen this pattern more times than I can count: a talented, committed professional steps into a bigger leadership role, begins to feel the weight of new visibility and responsibility, and starts to interpret her own uncertainty as proof that she does not belong there.

“Self-doubt is not a character flaw. It is often a signal that you are navigating something genuinely complex without enough of the right support around you.”

Where Second-Guessing Actually Comes From 

When we talk about confidence in leadership, we often talk about it as though it is simply something you have or you do not have. But confidence does not live in a vacuum. It grows — or shrinks — based on the environments we lead in, the support we have access to, and the stories we carry about what it means to lead as a woman in complex, high-stakes systems. 

Second-guessing often shows up when:

• You are navigating a role where the expectations are high but the guidance is limited • You are leading former peers who may not have fully adjusted to the shift in your relationship • You are making decisions that affect real people’s lives with limited margin for error 

• You have been the person who delivers — and now you are the person who leads those who deliver 

• You have not yet had space to process what this transition is actually asking of you None of those are confidence problems. They are context problems. And context can be worked with. 

What Building Confidence Actually Looks Like 

Confidence does not come from eliminating self-doubt. It comes from developing the self-awareness to understand what is underneath it — and the self-trust to move forward anyway. 

In my coaching work, I use a methodology called Energy Leadership™ that helps women understand how their thoughts, emotions, and internal patterns shape the way they lead. One of the most important things this work reveals is that what feels like a confidence problem is often a perception problem — a story we are telling ourselves about our capacity, our belonging, or our worthiness that has more to do with past experiences than present reality. 

“When you understand how you currently show up — and what may be shaping that — you can begin to lead more intentionally. Not from fear. From clarity.”

Finding Your Voice in High-Visibility Moments 

One of the most common things emerging women leaders tell me is that they know what they want to say — and then, in the moment, they soften it. They qualify it. They apologize for it before they have even finished saying it. 

Your voice is not the problem. The environment that has taught you to shrink it is. 

Finding your voice as a leader is not about becoming louder or more assertive. It is about learning to trust what you know, communicate it clearly, and hold your ground with calm conviction — even when the room is watching and the stakes feel high. 

A Question to Sit With 

Before you dismiss your uncertainty as weakness, ask yourself this:

What would change if you had consistent support — a coach, a trusted thinking partner, a space to process what you are navigating — over the next 90 days? 

Not to have all the answers. Not to stop questioning yourself entirely. But to move through the uncertainty with greater clarity, stronger self-trust, and a clearer sense of the leader you are becoming. That is not a luxury. That is what makes the difference. 

Marie Carmel, MS.Ed., ACC, CPC, ELI-MP is a Leadership and Executive Coach and Former Associate Commissioner with more than 30 years of experience in complex public-sector systems. She helps emerging women leaders in public agencies and social service organizations build confidence, find their voice, and lead with clarity.